Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Been a while.

Well, I apologize. It has been too long, but the thing is, I've been so busy. Work last week was ridiculously busy, getting ready for a wedding and whatnot. Saturday was the wedding, so I have had no time. Also, I've been hanging out with friends a lot and coming home around two or three in the morning, leaving me no time to write.

And I must say, I am in a writing mood. Maybe I don't write enough on this blog. I don't like to share my writing with many people, but I think that the number of people who read my entries is slim, so I'm safe, for now. [=

Here goes nothing.

Early morning light seeps between the blinds
I don't want to wake you
Shadows dance playfully
on your peaceful face
and I have to catch my breath
For no feeling is greater than
that of no worries
You start to stir and
I'm standing on a ledge
suddenly on edge and
I think to myself
"What are the benefits of jumping?"
In that moment, you open your eyes
and smile
The corners of the room blur
We are nowhere and everywhere all at once
My mind is a clean slate, all forgotten
We are safe once again
The time passes, and once you cross the thresh hold
out of my house and into the world
The force of the past overwhelms me
I am caught off guard
Desperately trying to forget
"leave" I whisper
yet the memories remain
and I am helpless
Days may pass, but not without conflict
Until the time comes when you think of more than one
We can never return to our former glory


Ahhh the writing. It cleanses me. Enjoy.

Monday, July 23, 2012

Fireflies

This past weekend, I attended a music festival called Firefly in Dover, DE. Can I just say that it was mind-blowing. Let's just take a look at who I saw this past weekend:

-The Killers
-Death Cab for Cutie
-Jack White
-The Black Keys
-Bassnectar
-Modest Mouse
-The Flaming Lips
-Young the Giant
-Ok Go
-The Wallflowers
-Awolnation
-Grouplove
-The Cults
-Ra Ra Riot
-Walk the Moon
-Blind Pilot

The ones that I've bolded were my favorites. Awolnation was fantastic. At first, I thought that they were going to be a more techno-type band, but it was pure rock and the singing was phenomenal. I couldn't have asked for a better show from them. And the crowd surfing was insane! You would not believe the amount of people that wanted to be lifted up and touched by random people. What surprised me the most was the amount of guys that did it. I thought crowd surfing was more of a girl thing?

Bassnectar is a show I do not get tired of. I saw them at Governor's Island last summer, and the show was insane. Watching him womp onstage made me get so much more into the music. I could feel the bass pulsing through me as the songs went on. I can never tire of him. Next stop: Skrillex. If I can see that show, my life will be complete.

What can I say about The Flaming Lips? When Wayne Coyne came into the audience in a huge ball like Bubble Boy, I was beyond ecstatic. There were cannons that shot confetti into the audience and giant balloons that were thrown. Of course, Young the Giant put on a great show, too. So many bands that I came to learn about this weekend.

Now, let me please tell you all about WALK THE MOON because I am in love with them. The lead singer, Nicholas Petricca, is the cutest thing you will ever see. He is so full of life on the stage that it makes you automatically love them. The best way I can describe them is a modern eighties band, and it is FANTASTIC. For now, they are tied as my favorite band with Jet, because I love them so much. Check them out! Their music just makes me so happy. 


Firefly was an amazing event. The place where they held the festival was sick. There was a hammock hangout, art, a forest with neon trees, and good food (I have discovered churros and I see the light). If they keep a good lineup, I will definitely be in attendance next year to the awesomeness that is Firefly.


And definitely do camping. It's way better than a hotel.

Friday, July 20, 2012

Imagine.

Why is it that the people you love are the ones that hurt you the most? It's just so ironic that this is the way life decides to portray love. I mean, a girl can hear "I'm sorry" so many times before she realizes that it has no meaning. Why can't I catch a break?

Sometimes, I think I'm lying to myself, telling myself that this relationship is more worth it than it actually is. I don't have all of the answers, and I honestly keep thinking that maybe, just maybe, I can be happy, but it just doesn't seem to be in my future any time soon. Unfortunately, I don't think it is worth it at all.

There's no turning back now, though. I have to wait the summer out. We are attending a wedding together and going on vacation. It's just funny because we'll be doing really well, but then you give him a situation where he has to balance out his life and me, and forget about it. Everything else comes before me. And trust me, I'm not clingy, but if you know you aren't going to see me or talk to me for three days, don't yah think you might wanna do that rather than get drunk at the bar?

I mean, that's what I would do, but maybe it isn't that obvious.

All the happy-ending movies piss me off. It isn't like that. Relationships don't just work in the end because two people love each other. Saying you love someone isn't enough. Maybe it isn't enough for this either. I used to think it was.

But not anymore.

Becoming a cynic seems to be my next best option. I think a life without men may be just what I need. All this shit is giving me a headache, and I know I don't deserve to be treated the way I do. Hopefully, the path of this relationship changes course soon, or I'll be flyin' solo to Italy in the Spring and partying alone in the Fall. No problem for me.

I'd just rather not waste my time.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Fuzzy.

Sometimes, I think of you.
It can trigger immense emotion of happiness,
of lightness,
of being infinite.
Some emotions seize me,
overwhelming,
blinding,
numbing.
My heart constricts
I'm conflicted.
I watch you sleep,
how peaceful you are;
it's calming.

Sometimes, I think of you.
We are happy and sad and
frustrated and angry
and lost and found and,
most important of all,
together.
I know now it doesn't matter
what we are.


When we are near, I feel
electric.
Like fire caused by friction,
we are burning, engulfing the world.
Melted, fused together,
we are connected by energy
flowing between us, through us.
Never-ending.

My vision is fuzzy,
my mouth is dry,
my skin is cold.
I'm on my knees
praying for no pain.
And when the day comes,
the smile will reach my eyes
as well.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Warm evenings.

Today, driving with the windows down and a warm summer breeze flowing through the car was amazing. Some every day activities seem more meaningful once in a while. Listening to music, I felt the words striking a nerve. The lyrics were real, the music was flowing through my veins. And I felt alive.

Looking out the window, I could feel energies. Let me explain. I'm not going to say I don't believe in God, because that necessarily isn't it. I just believe in all people having energies, and that all things living are connected by these energies, tangling nature and human into an invisible bond that cannot be broken. Maybe it's just the Native American in me, but that is what I feel, and I'm sticking to it. So today, while staring out the window of the car, I felt so many energies it was almost overwhelming.

I was so happy. I am so happy. I could not help but smile as I felt warmth spread through my body and into my soul. For the first time in a long time, I felt connected to the world, and I felt free.

Sometimes, I wish that I could write down what I was thinking as soon as I thought it. Throughout the day, I think "Wow, I would really like to share that with someone," but by the time I have someone to tell, I have completely forgotten what it is I wanted to say. Then, I start writing these blogs and it helps for me to dissect my thoughts and share these thoughts.

Unfortunately, I have not had a chance to start writing my book again. It is going to be so hard to start up again, but I still am worried about finding someone to publish it. There is so much that I want to do to help other people, especially young teens. What I went through in eighth grade was tough, and I want to let other teens know that it is normal to feel those things and to not hesitate to ask for help.

Maybe someone will read this blog and push me in the right direction. I don't know. I hope that once I start writing almost every day that this blog will become more popular, along with my thoughts and my hopes of becoming an author.

Only time will tell. All I know is that life is great, and I am thankful for all of the people in my life.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Too long.

It has been too long since my last post.

My life has changed a lot over the past year. I want to continue writing my book, and to record my life in a blog. Sometimes, crazy things happen, or I come to realizations that may or may not help other people.

As for right now, I'm watching Doug, an old favorite of mine, and I'm thinking about all of the things I want to share. There are so many revelations I've come to. It has been such a crazy year. To sum things up for everyone, here is what I've learned.

1. I am a good person.
2. If someone who claims to be a good friend does not say anything about your relative dying, then they are not worth your time.
3. When someone lies to you, it is very hard to forgive them, but if they have a good heart, it may be worth your time.

and 4. I do deserve to be happy.

Some things are harder for me to come to terms with. Such as, my weight is not something I need to work on, but I just cannot seem to wrap my head around that. Or that I should be more confident in myself, and not depend on others for answers. I suppose all people have their flaws, and as I am only human, these things will be worked on. Constantly, I am working on myself. I want to be the best Jazmine I can be.

Two years of college have passed, and I am slowly realizing that I am, inevitably, as all people do, growing older. Sure, I am coming into some of the most exciting years of my life, but there are so many things happening in my life that I constantly feel overwhelmed. As a college student, I am involved in many different events and clubs and organizations, as well as overloading my schedule, while finding time for friends, family, and my dearest Andrew. As a summer kid, I balance my time between concerts, road trips, random outings, work, my family, and constant trips to Hoboken and visits from the boy.

I feel as if I am in constant motion. Isn't there something in physics that says that something in constant motion remains in constant motion? I don't know...I was never good at science.

The more that I write, the more that I notice I have realized so many things. I could probably write forever of the things I have realized in the past year, but one thing remains the most important.

I am happy, and as long as I continue to be true to myself, I always will be.

Once again, I apologize for not keeping up in my blog, but I will devote my time to this, as well as tweeting and tumblr-ing. I don't know why, but I feel like these things are important right now in my life.

Let the blogging begin.