Thought Process

   I created my first thought bubble! (Thanks to Sunny [=) I am so excited! My book is taking new heights. I'm trying to remember things from my middle school years, which is really difficult for me.

   I think that I subconsciously blocked out those three years of my life. Those years were terrible. Hence, I remember absolutely nothing. My mom is helping me out though. Of course she remembers everything, because she had to live through it, too. She had a terrible time dealing with everything I went through. She didn't understand that nothing had to do with her or our family, but that it was just me

   The more that I keep writing this story, the more ecstatic I am to help teens understand. I have such great ideas and so much more to write! I am on page six, and my mom is very supportive.

   My one little fear is that the people I write about in the book (whose names I most certainly have changed) will know I am talking about them! I mean, it was so long ago that it shouldn't matter, right? I hope so, because I don't want anyone getting mad at me! It's just about how I was feeling at the time.

   Regardless, I could not be more happy. Besides my book, though, I have been severely stressed out. I haven't seen my boyfriend in about a month (which I know doesn't seem like much, but I'm young!) Work has been stressful as well. I seriously love the kids I nanny. I've been watching them for so long that they are practically my children. When I can see how their home life and upbringing differs from mine in a...not-so-good way, you can understand why it makes me upset.

   I see how the kids can't really appreciate everything I do for them. I took them to the movies to see The Smurfs in 3D (which wasn't too bad of a film, just really not my thing), which cost $37. Now, I had to pay for this myself because the mom didn't expect rain (should always have a back-up plan, my mom always says) and left me no money. I don't have bundles of cash in my pockets, and I also bought the kids candy, so I was virtually broke.

   Do you know what the kids said instead of thank you?

"Jazmine, what about our drinks?"

   I was livid! While the commercials played in the beginning, they said we had plenty of time to get drinks, and I had to constantly explain to them why they were not getting drinks. Then, the little boy told his dad that I FORGOT drinks, and I had to explain this was not the case.

  I told the kids to grab drinks from home if they wanted, and they didn't.

Am I too strict???

Well, off to clean my room, work out, and go to work. Going school shopping with my mom after work.  Sixteen days until I'm back at Susquehanna!!!

Even words need a break

I'm sorry it's been so long! I was in Myrtle Beach, SC with my family for what seemed like forever. I missed writing (as I left my laptop back home) but I really loved to get away for a while. Here's my family:

We have a great time together! And the beach...it was absolutely amazing. Going on vacation is a great way to clear the mind and just relax. My brothers and I are very close, so we have a blast together. If only you could see the way the three of us act together...you'd think I was insane. Maybe I have gone a little crazy over the years....[;

My book is slowly getting there. I've been talking with my mom about what approach to take in finding a publisher and getting it out there. I've still got a ways to go, though. I'm four pages in (of actual writing) and still have a lot to go. It's going to be worth it! I'm really excited to keep going and get the final copy completed.

I've just gotten back from my family vacation...a nine hour drive! I've so much to do before I go back to college. My first goal: read the third book of The Hunger Games trilogy. It's so fantastic...I can't seem to put it down! The books are so well-written....I recommend them for anyone of any age! The plot and twists are catchy and make you think. 

Another great read: The Book Thief. I can't even explain how amazing that book is.

I'm going to get back to my crazy life now. I have work next week, and want to make use of the little time I have on the weekend! Be happy [=

I'm addicted and I just can't get enough

It's been too long since my last blog, but life decided to get crazy.

I went to Jersey for five days. Went to my first Red Bulls game! I know that it is completely against my Philadelphian teams, but they are pretty good. Don't worry, I'm still a Phillies fan and a Flyers fan [=

Hoboken is a cool town. It's right across the river from New York City. There is so much to do! I love it there. Of course, it's always nice to see my boyfriend as well =P

Speaking of boyfriends, I just got to that part in my book. Ahh, puppy love in seventh grade. This part of my book would be nice, if I didn't lose my best friend at the time over it. Nevertheless, the book IS coming along despite work and being in Jersey more than my actual hometown. I've even decided on a layout, and have the first "chapter" laid out, which I'm so excited about!!

The hardest part is going to be getting this book out there. Three pages so far, and I think it's going really well!! It's awesome. I feel so liberated! Hopefully, I can also get the children's book I read out there at some point, too.

What's funny about the children's book I wrote is two things: 1) The whole thing is written in limerick. I think that it's really original and I think that makes it pretty cool. 2) I wrote the "pre-book" of that in kindergarten about a lonely heart who finds a friend. So cute [=

I'm really happy to finally be home, but I do miss my second home ]= I won't be able to see him for three weeks, but I'm going back to school soon, which will really be hard to keep the blog going, but I am determined to do it! I hope that I can pick up some more followers.

My second home! =D

Now, it's time to work some more on that story! 

The Dark Place (My Eighth Grade Locker)

The funny thing about writing a memoir is remember what you thought at that time. At fifteen, I thought my world was a disaster, that my parents didn't care about me, that no boys would ever like me, and that I didn't fit in. If only I knew what I know now!!

The book is actually coming along nicely. I've been typing up certain excerpts and poetry I wrote in my "dark age."

Imagine this face with ten times more eyeliner, black hair in front of my eyes, and no smile. Oh, and all black. Say hello to Emo Jazmine!

Writing this memoir has helped me to appreciate my life so much more....again! It's like coming to an epiphany three years after my depression...and realizing how amazing my life is! I have a great family, amazing friends, and a wonderful life. Every day is so fantastic! I just visited a friend in New Jersey...and had a blast with her international camp friends [[=

Here are some of the funnier, emo-ish excerpts from my journal:


“Sometimes I wish that life was like my nightmares, to where I can say ‘wake up’ to myself and just wake up.”
“This feeling, no, it could not be real. It hurts, the things I need to feel.”
“Well, it’s not like I have a time machine. I’ll just deal with this my way.”

and a poem:

The posers and players of life surround me

The mirror shatters, I can finally see

Break the chains that weigh me down

Tears fall without that clattering sound

They all look but never manage to know

It’s my judgement day

They watch me go

I’m too out of place for this place all the same

I’m merely a pawn in this game

Life is so torn, over-exaggerated

This apology might be too belated

The me you have been deceiving

It’s in your hands to decide what to believe in

But here I go, once again

I’m sorry.

I'm a page and a half in to my book, and deciding on a layout. Any suggestions?

Let the Games Begin...

So, the process has begun. Sure, the actual writing hasn't began, but I did start something! Let's start from the beginning, shall we?

In eighth grade, I kept a journal (as most do), and it contains a lot about the hard times I went through. To start, I reread the entire thing and took notes on what would be good to use in a book. My idea is this: To correlate parts of my old journal with the knowledge I have now about what I was going through, how I got through it, and where I am today.

I want teens to know that it's okay to feel sad and depressed, and that there are others ways of relieving those feelings other than having to talk to someone. Not all kids can talk to someone about how they are feeling, and considering the lack of research done on teen depression, I feel like I really need to do something.

I'm not sure how long it will take to write it, but I'm willing to push myself to finish it!

Who knows? I nanny. It's rough to try to write a book and watch a seven and eight year old who are not my children!

Also, I think I should start recording my dreams. They are so twisted. My mom keeps saying I could be the next Stephen King, so why not? I definitely think my thoughts are twisted enough to try and accomplish that!!!

My dream last night? My days were normal and I was going about my business, yet when night hit and I was doing regular activities around the house, any part that was shadowed or had a shadow would come alive, and creatures would emerge from the darkness.

Crazy, right?

Let the writing begin.

No, but seriously.

We are not immortal. We cannot ensure that we will live as long as we want to, or do all we hope to accomplish in this lifetime. And so, I've decided to start having a purpose to these blogs. The only question is...what to do?

I think that I'll most likely start writing a book. That's the plan. And on top of everything, I will blog about it, along with my crazy job of being a nineteen-year-old nanny and strange misadventures with my friends. Let the games begin, eh?

I swear, this time, I will most definitely keep up with the blog. I need to start writing again, because the lack of writing is getting ridiculous.

No Doubt

Pretty sure no one follows these things. I mean, I don't mind so much because I do them for me.

I have to admit, though, it would be nice if someone other than my mom read these posts. I'm just going to keep writing, though.

I started these because I interviewed a professor at my college who said writing a blog was awesome. So, I started one. I don't keep up with it too much, so I'm going to try harder to write in this at least three or four times a week. It helps me think.

It's hard to get thoughts and put them into words. Usually, I write poetry or draw. Everything that is in my head when those two things happen can come out and be free. I guess that kind of happens in these blogs as well, which is pretty cool. I don't really try to make these interesting, because they are my thoughts, but I hope they are sometimes fun to read.

I follow other people's blogs as well. I like to read about what other people think is interesting. What one coins as the term "interesting" may be completely different than what I think. It's a social norm type of thing. If you grew up around the beach, you aren't going to think that the ocean is interesting or that the beach is different and new, but someone from Georgia may think so. So many different events and situations and just objects hold completely different meanings to all types of people.

That's my little bit of information for the day. What is interesting to you?

bowling is interesting to me!