Where is my mind?

So this is it. The beginning of family vacation. We are in the Outer Banks, and it is beautiful here. I cannot wait to go on the beach tomorrow and relax. It was a crazy week, and I need to get my feet in the sand.

Sometimes, life is kind of funny. Although my week was insane, I also had a lot of fun chilling with my friends and enjoying their company. I just hope I haven't gone too far...

Also, I am looking forward to my mini-vacation with Andrew. It'll be nice to have some time together without interruptions. You would never know it, but today has been 18 months that we have been together. Everything is very different though.Maybe he doesn't notice it, but I do. I just hope that this will be worth the time and effort... Only time will tell I suppose.

Writing helps though. It's like I have all of these thoughts in my head, and if I just write it out, I can figure some shit out. So let's see where it leads me.

it's empty
I hear the echoes through my body
like phantom voices
calling my name
I know it's you
and try as I might to answer your call
I struggle to open my eyes
there no longer is one light
but two
and which path I am to choose is uncertain
what is to come of this?
where is my mind?
it has shriveled to the depths of myself
and my only hope
is the pulsing heart behind my ribs
I am doomed
for already, I know,
I will choose the dimmer light

Dream within a dream

So, I'm sitting here writing this entry, right? Yet I am imagining so many other situations or locations where I could be doing something completely different. What if I was NOT on my couch watching The Secret Window cuddling with my Spongebob blanket? What if I was at a park sitting on a rock overlooking a lake? What if I was in Jersey in someone else's bed? I don't know.

But which would it be?

When I first saw The Secret Window, it blew my mind. I definitely did not see it coming...not at all. I don't know if maybe I was just too oblivious to what was happening to realize who was who...that isn't bad, is it? Regardless, I love this movie.

Sometimes, I think about things and they spark new ideas and then it kind of looks something like this...

I felt that breeze upon my cheek
as I looked into the sky
etched with summer color I was
captivated by beauty
And though I swear you looked on
I could see the hesitation in your eyes
not knowing whether to keep your gaze
or shift your eyes subtly to me
There was no question
my heart beat quickened and I was
instantly being stalked by some
imaginary predator
What do I know?
There is no logic behind this flesh
I am raw from the tenseness
My muscles are tight and unforgiving
I know my lips are set in a smile
but I feel nothing
Too quick does my mind move
I am liquid once more.