I'm addicted and I just can't get enough

It's been too long since my last blog, but life decided to get crazy.

I went to Jersey for five days. Went to my first Red Bulls game! I know that it is completely against my Philadelphian teams, but they are pretty good. Don't worry, I'm still a Phillies fan and a Flyers fan [=

Hoboken is a cool town. It's right across the river from New York City. There is so much to do! I love it there. Of course, it's always nice to see my boyfriend as well =P

Speaking of boyfriends, I just got to that part in my book. Ahh, puppy love in seventh grade. This part of my book would be nice, if I didn't lose my best friend at the time over it. Nevertheless, the book IS coming along despite work and being in Jersey more than my actual hometown. I've even decided on a layout, and have the first "chapter" laid out, which I'm so excited about!!

The hardest part is going to be getting this book out there. Three pages so far, and I think it's going really well!! It's awesome. I feel so liberated! Hopefully, I can also get the children's book I read out there at some point, too.

What's funny about the children's book I wrote is two things: 1) The whole thing is written in limerick. I think that it's really original and I think that makes it pretty cool. 2) I wrote the "pre-book" of that in kindergarten about a lonely heart who finds a friend. So cute [=

I'm really happy to finally be home, but I do miss my second home ]= I won't be able to see him for three weeks, but I'm going back to school soon, which will really be hard to keep the blog going, but I am determined to do it! I hope that I can pick up some more followers.

My second home! =D

Now, it's time to work some more on that story! 

The Dark Place (My Eighth Grade Locker)

The funny thing about writing a memoir is remember what you thought at that time. At fifteen, I thought my world was a disaster, that my parents didn't care about me, that no boys would ever like me, and that I didn't fit in. If only I knew what I know now!!

The book is actually coming along nicely. I've been typing up certain excerpts and poetry I wrote in my "dark age."

Imagine this face with ten times more eyeliner, black hair in front of my eyes, and no smile. Oh, and all black. Say hello to Emo Jazmine!

Writing this memoir has helped me to appreciate my life so much more....again! It's like coming to an epiphany three years after my depression...and realizing how amazing my life is! I have a great family, amazing friends, and a wonderful life. Every day is so fantastic! I just visited a friend in New Jersey...and had a blast with her international camp friends [[=

Here are some of the funnier, emo-ish excerpts from my journal:


“Sometimes I wish that life was like my nightmares, to where I can say ‘wake up’ to myself and just wake up.”
“This feeling, no, it could not be real. It hurts, the things I need to feel.”
“Well, it’s not like I have a time machine. I’ll just deal with this my way.”

and a poem:

The posers and players of life surround me

The mirror shatters, I can finally see

Break the chains that weigh me down

Tears fall without that clattering sound

They all look but never manage to know

It’s my judgement day

They watch me go

I’m too out of place for this place all the same

I’m merely a pawn in this game

Life is so torn, over-exaggerated

This apology might be too belated

The me you have been deceiving

It’s in your hands to decide what to believe in

But here I go, once again

I’m sorry.

I'm a page and a half in to my book, and deciding on a layout. Any suggestions?

Let the Games Begin...

So, the process has begun. Sure, the actual writing hasn't began, but I did start something! Let's start from the beginning, shall we?

In eighth grade, I kept a journal (as most do), and it contains a lot about the hard times I went through. To start, I reread the entire thing and took notes on what would be good to use in a book. My idea is this: To correlate parts of my old journal with the knowledge I have now about what I was going through, how I got through it, and where I am today.

I want teens to know that it's okay to feel sad and depressed, and that there are others ways of relieving those feelings other than having to talk to someone. Not all kids can talk to someone about how they are feeling, and considering the lack of research done on teen depression, I feel like I really need to do something.

I'm not sure how long it will take to write it, but I'm willing to push myself to finish it!

Who knows? I nanny. It's rough to try to write a book and watch a seven and eight year old who are not my children!

Also, I think I should start recording my dreams. They are so twisted. My mom keeps saying I could be the next Stephen King, so why not? I definitely think my thoughts are twisted enough to try and accomplish that!!!

My dream last night? My days were normal and I was going about my business, yet when night hit and I was doing regular activities around the house, any part that was shadowed or had a shadow would come alive, and creatures would emerge from the darkness.

Crazy, right?

Let the writing begin.

No, but seriously.

We are not immortal. We cannot ensure that we will live as long as we want to, or do all we hope to accomplish in this lifetime. And so, I've decided to start having a purpose to these blogs. The only question is...what to do?

I think that I'll most likely start writing a book. That's the plan. And on top of everything, I will blog about it, along with my crazy job of being a nineteen-year-old nanny and strange misadventures with my friends. Let the games begin, eh?

I swear, this time, I will most definitely keep up with the blog. I need to start writing again, because the lack of writing is getting ridiculous.

No Doubt

Pretty sure no one follows these things. I mean, I don't mind so much because I do them for me.

I have to admit, though, it would be nice if someone other than my mom read these posts. I'm just going to keep writing, though.

I started these because I interviewed a professor at my college who said writing a blog was awesome. So, I started one. I don't keep up with it too much, so I'm going to try harder to write in this at least three or four times a week. It helps me think.

It's hard to get thoughts and put them into words. Usually, I write poetry or draw. Everything that is in my head when those two things happen can come out and be free. I guess that kind of happens in these blogs as well, which is pretty cool. I don't really try to make these interesting, because they are my thoughts, but I hope they are sometimes fun to read.

I follow other people's blogs as well. I like to read about what other people think is interesting. What one coins as the term "interesting" may be completely different than what I think. It's a social norm type of thing. If you grew up around the beach, you aren't going to think that the ocean is interesting or that the beach is different and new, but someone from Georgia may think so. So many different events and situations and just objects hold completely different meanings to all types of people.

That's my little bit of information for the day. What is interesting to you?

bowling is interesting to me!

Today's the Day

I've always felt as though I did not belong where I was. Not even much of it had to do with where I was physically, but more so my mental and emotional location. In coming to college, I've finally found a place where I belong.

I feel like that's a problem when teenagers are growing up. The unknown between finding friends and becoming acclimated with life creates a sort of in-between for an individual. I was there for a long time. Many of the people I was close with did not understand this mindset.

It was no one's fault, only an internal problem I had to overcome myself. For a while, it was easy for me to suppress those emotions, and now, I can finally say that all of those feelings have dissipated and I feel at peace, at ease with my self, and content with where I am at life.

Sure, it may have taken me a little bit longer than most, but at least I'm here. At first, I didn't think I was really accomplishing much of anything, but now, I feel like everything I'm doing is meaningful and important to the path that my life is taking.

It's a seriously awesome feeling!

Everyone who has helped me along the way and is in my life now has truly helped me get here. I would not be who I am today without those people.

Just in case anyone was wondering, and was going through something such as this or is going through something like this recently, just know you're not alone.

You may feel out of the loop now, but don't worry, life suddenly just seems to fall into place.

Even though

Yeah. I'm positive that no one reads my blogs. That's all right, though. I just like to share my thoughts sometimes. If someone happens to read it, and their day gets a little better, well, that's all right with me.

Have you ever experienced something quite as extraordinary as a lightning storm? I witnessed one today with a friend while returning to my dorm after a run. It was exquisite. Lightning, I feel, is just this amazing occurrence. Do you know what it does when it hits sand? It can create glass. Amazingly twisted, beautiful glass.

It lights up a dark sky. It is jagged like a scar in the black night, yet as beautiful as a painter's charred burn across a canvas. To me, it is this mysterious event that leaves me in awe every time I witness it. I really can't explain how I feel when I see it.

It's almost like life itself. Beautiful and quick as a flash. It's something that is bright and non-linear and can either create something amazing or cause destruction. It strikes almost anywhere, and is hot and electric and  sudden.

Jeez, I could go on. Lightning is how I want to live my life. To me, lightning is life. It leaves its mark.

I hope to do the same. Leave my ashen burn on the ground and have people wonder about me for years to come. Wonder where I came from, how fast I came, and if I'll ever return in the same spot again.

I guess these blogs are a good thing.