Today, driving with the windows down and a warm summer breeze flowing through the car was amazing. Some every day activities seem more meaningful once in a while. Listening to music, I felt the words striking a nerve. The lyrics were real, the music was flowing through my veins. And I felt alive.
Looking out the window, I could feel energies. Let me explain. I'm not going to say I don't believe in God, because that necessarily isn't it. I just believe in all people having energies, and that all things living are connected by these energies, tangling nature and human into an invisible bond that cannot be broken. Maybe it's just the Native American in me, but that is what I feel, and I'm sticking to it. So today, while staring out the window of the car, I felt so many energies it was almost overwhelming.
I was so happy. I am so happy. I could not help but smile as I felt warmth spread through my body and into my soul. For the first time in a long time, I felt connected to the world, and I felt free.
Sometimes, I wish that I could write down what I was thinking as soon as I thought it. Throughout the day, I think "Wow, I would really like to share that with someone," but by the time I have someone to tell, I have completely forgotten what it is I wanted to say. Then, I start writing these blogs and it helps for me to dissect my thoughts and share these thoughts.
Unfortunately, I have not had a chance to start writing my book again. It is going to be so hard to start up again, but I still am worried about finding someone to publish it. There is so much that I want to do to help other people, especially young teens. What I went through in eighth grade was tough, and I want to let other teens know that it is normal to feel those things and to not hesitate to ask for help.
Maybe someone will read this blog and push me in the right direction. I don't know. I hope that once I start writing almost every day that this blog will become more popular, along with my thoughts and my hopes of becoming an author.
Only time will tell. All I know is that life is great, and I am thankful for all of the people in my life.
Monday, July 16, 2012
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Too long.
It has been too long since my last post.
My life has changed a lot over the past year. I want to continue writing my book, and to record my life in a blog. Sometimes, crazy things happen, or I come to realizations that may or may not help other people.
As for right now, I'm watching Doug, an old favorite of mine, and I'm thinking about all of the things I want to share. There are so many revelations I've come to. It has been such a crazy year. To sum things up for everyone, here is what I've learned.
1. I am a good person.
2. If someone who claims to be a good friend does not say anything about your relative dying, then they are not worth your time.
3. When someone lies to you, it is very hard to forgive them, but if they have a good heart, it may be worth your time.
and 4. I do deserve to be happy.
Some things are harder for me to come to terms with. Such as, my weight is not something I need to work on, but I just cannot seem to wrap my head around that. Or that I should be more confident in myself, and not depend on others for answers. I suppose all people have their flaws, and as I am only human, these things will be worked on. Constantly, I am working on myself. I want to be the best Jazmine I can be.
Two years of college have passed, and I am slowly realizing that I am, inevitably, as all people do, growing older. Sure, I am coming into some of the most exciting years of my life, but there are so many things happening in my life that I constantly feel overwhelmed. As a college student, I am involved in many different events and clubs and organizations, as well as overloading my schedule, while finding time for friends, family, and my dearest Andrew. As a summer kid, I balance my time between concerts, road trips, random outings, work, my family, and constant trips to Hoboken and visits from the boy.
I feel as if I am in constant motion. Isn't there something in physics that says that something in constant motion remains in constant motion? I don't know...I was never good at science.
The more that I write, the more that I notice I have realized so many things. I could probably write forever of the things I have realized in the past year, but one thing remains the most important.
I am happy, and as long as I continue to be true to myself, I always will be.
Once again, I apologize for not keeping up in my blog, but I will devote my time to this, as well as tweeting and tumblr-ing. I don't know why, but I feel like these things are important right now in my life.
Let the blogging begin.
My life has changed a lot over the past year. I want to continue writing my book, and to record my life in a blog. Sometimes, crazy things happen, or I come to realizations that may or may not help other people.
As for right now, I'm watching Doug, an old favorite of mine, and I'm thinking about all of the things I want to share. There are so many revelations I've come to. It has been such a crazy year. To sum things up for everyone, here is what I've learned.
1. I am a good person.
2. If someone who claims to be a good friend does not say anything about your relative dying, then they are not worth your time.
3. When someone lies to you, it is very hard to forgive them, but if they have a good heart, it may be worth your time.
and 4. I do deserve to be happy.
Some things are harder for me to come to terms with. Such as, my weight is not something I need to work on, but I just cannot seem to wrap my head around that. Or that I should be more confident in myself, and not depend on others for answers. I suppose all people have their flaws, and as I am only human, these things will be worked on. Constantly, I am working on myself. I want to be the best Jazmine I can be.
Two years of college have passed, and I am slowly realizing that I am, inevitably, as all people do, growing older. Sure, I am coming into some of the most exciting years of my life, but there are so many things happening in my life that I constantly feel overwhelmed. As a college student, I am involved in many different events and clubs and organizations, as well as overloading my schedule, while finding time for friends, family, and my dearest Andrew. As a summer kid, I balance my time between concerts, road trips, random outings, work, my family, and constant trips to Hoboken and visits from the boy.
I feel as if I am in constant motion. Isn't there something in physics that says that something in constant motion remains in constant motion? I don't know...I was never good at science.
The more that I write, the more that I notice I have realized so many things. I could probably write forever of the things I have realized in the past year, but one thing remains the most important.
I am happy, and as long as I continue to be true to myself, I always will be.
Once again, I apologize for not keeping up in my blog, but I will devote my time to this, as well as tweeting and tumblr-ing. I don't know why, but I feel like these things are important right now in my life.
Let the blogging begin.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Even words need a break
I'm sorry it's been so long! I was in Myrtle Beach, SC with my family for what seemed like forever. I missed writing (as I left my laptop back home) but I really loved to get away for a while. Here's my family:
We have a great time together! And the beach...it was absolutely amazing. Going on vacation is a great way to clear the mind and just relax. My brothers and I are very close, so we have a blast together. If only you could see the way the three of us act together...you'd think I was insane. Maybe I have gone a little crazy over the years....[;
My book is slowly getting there. I've been talking with my mom about what approach to take in finding a publisher and getting it out there. I've still got a ways to go, though. I'm four pages in (of actual writing) and still have a lot to go. It's going to be worth it! I'm really excited to keep going and get the final copy completed.
I've just gotten back from my family vacation...a nine hour drive! I've so much to do before I go back to college. My first goal: read the third book of The Hunger Games trilogy. It's so fantastic...I can't seem to put it down! The books are so well-written....I recommend them for anyone of any age! The plot and twists are catchy and make you think.
Another great read: The Book Thief. I can't even explain how amazing that book is.
I'm going to get back to my crazy life now. I have work next week, and want to make use of the little time I have on the weekend! Be happy [=
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
I'm addicted and I just can't get enough
It's been too long since my last blog, but life decided to get crazy.
I went to Jersey for five days. Went to my first Red Bulls game! I know that it is completely against my Philadelphian teams, but they are pretty good. Don't worry, I'm still a Phillies fan and a Flyers fan [=
Hoboken is a cool town. It's right across the river from New York City. There is so much to do! I love it there. Of course, it's always nice to see my boyfriend as well =P
Speaking of boyfriends, I just got to that part in my book. Ahh, puppy love in seventh grade. This part of my book would be nice, if I didn't lose my best friend at the time over it. Nevertheless, the book IS coming along despite work and being in Jersey more than my actual hometown. I've even decided on a layout, and have the first "chapter" laid out, which I'm so excited about!!
The hardest part is going to be getting this book out there. Three pages so far, and I think it's going really well!! It's awesome. I feel so liberated! Hopefully, I can also get the children's book I read out there at some point, too.
What's funny about the children's book I wrote is two things: 1) The whole thing is written in limerick. I think that it's really original and I think that makes it pretty cool. 2) I wrote the "pre-book" of that in kindergarten about a lonely heart who finds a friend. So cute [=
I'm really happy to finally be home, but I do miss my second home ]= I won't be able to see him for three weeks, but I'm going back to school soon, which will really be hard to keep the blog going, but I am determined to do it! I hope that I can pick up some more followers.
I went to Jersey for five days. Went to my first Red Bulls game! I know that it is completely against my Philadelphian teams, but they are pretty good. Don't worry, I'm still a Phillies fan and a Flyers fan [=
Hoboken is a cool town. It's right across the river from New York City. There is so much to do! I love it there. Of course, it's always nice to see my boyfriend as well =P
Speaking of boyfriends, I just got to that part in my book. Ahh, puppy love in seventh grade. This part of my book would be nice, if I didn't lose my best friend at the time over it. Nevertheless, the book IS coming along despite work and being in Jersey more than my actual hometown. I've even decided on a layout, and have the first "chapter" laid out, which I'm so excited about!!
The hardest part is going to be getting this book out there. Three pages so far, and I think it's going really well!! It's awesome. I feel so liberated! Hopefully, I can also get the children's book I read out there at some point, too.
What's funny about the children's book I wrote is two things: 1) The whole thing is written in limerick. I think that it's really original and I think that makes it pretty cool. 2) I wrote the "pre-book" of that in kindergarten about a lonely heart who finds a friend. So cute [=
I'm really happy to finally be home, but I do miss my second home ]= I won't be able to see him for three weeks, but I'm going back to school soon, which will really be hard to keep the blog going, but I am determined to do it! I hope that I can pick up some more followers.
My second home! =D
Now, it's time to work some more on that story!
Sunday, July 17, 2011
The Dark Place (My Eighth Grade Locker)
The funny thing about writing a memoir is remember what you thought at that time. At fifteen, I thought my world was a disaster, that my parents didn't care about me, that no boys would ever like me, and that I didn't fit in. If only I knew what I know now!!
The book is actually coming along nicely. I've been typing up certain excerpts and poetry I wrote in my "dark age."
Imagine this face with ten times more eyeliner, black hair in front of my eyes, and no smile. Oh, and all black. Say hello to Emo Jazmine!
Writing this memoir has helped me to appreciate my life so much more....again! It's like coming to an epiphany three years after my depression...and realizing how amazing my life is! I have a great family, amazing friends, and a wonderful life. Every day is so fantastic! I just visited a friend in New Jersey...and had a blast with her international camp friends [[=
Here are some of the funnier, emo-ish excerpts from my journal:
“Sometimes I wish that life was like my nightmares, to where I can say ‘wake up’ to myself and just wake up.”
“This feeling, no, it could not be real. It hurts, the things I need to feel.”
“Well, it’s not like I have a time machine. I’ll just deal with this my way.”
and a poem:
The book is actually coming along nicely. I've been typing up certain excerpts and poetry I wrote in my "dark age."
Writing this memoir has helped me to appreciate my life so much more....again! It's like coming to an epiphany three years after my depression...and realizing how amazing my life is! I have a great family, amazing friends, and a wonderful life. Every day is so fantastic! I just visited a friend in New Jersey...and had a blast with her international camp friends [[=
Here are some of the funnier, emo-ish excerpts from my journal:
“Sometimes I wish that life was like my nightmares, to where I can say ‘wake up’ to myself and just wake up.”
“This feeling, no, it could not be real. It hurts, the things I need to feel.”
“Well, it’s not like I have a time machine. I’ll just deal with this my way.”
and a poem:
The posers and players of life surround me
The mirror shatters, I can finally see
Break the chains that weigh me down
Tears fall without that clattering sound
They all look but never manage to know
It’s my judgement day
They watch me go
I’m too out of place for this place all the same
I’m merely a pawn in this game
Life is so torn, over-exaggerated
This apology might be too belated
The me you have been deceiving
It’s in your hands to decide what to believe in
But here I go, once again
I’m sorry.
I'm a page and a half in to my book, and deciding on a layout. Any suggestions?
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Let the Games Begin...
So, the process has begun. Sure, the actual writing hasn't began, but I did start something! Let's start from the beginning, shall we?
In eighth grade, I kept a journal (as most do), and it contains a lot about the hard times I went through. To start, I reread the entire thing and took notes on what would be good to use in a book. My idea is this: To correlate parts of my old journal with the knowledge I have now about what I was going through, how I got through it, and where I am today.
I want teens to know that it's okay to feel sad and depressed, and that there are others ways of relieving those feelings other than having to talk to someone. Not all kids can talk to someone about how they are feeling, and considering the lack of research done on teen depression, I feel like I really need to do something.
I'm not sure how long it will take to write it, but I'm willing to push myself to finish it!
Who knows? I nanny. It's rough to try to write a book and watch a seven and eight year old who are not my children!
Also, I think I should start recording my dreams. They are so twisted. My mom keeps saying I could be the next Stephen King, so why not? I definitely think my thoughts are twisted enough to try and accomplish that!!!
My dream last night? My days were normal and I was going about my business, yet when night hit and I was doing regular activities around the house, any part that was shadowed or had a shadow would come alive, and creatures would emerge from the darkness.
Crazy, right?
Let the writing begin.
In eighth grade, I kept a journal (as most do), and it contains a lot about the hard times I went through. To start, I reread the entire thing and took notes on what would be good to use in a book. My idea is this: To correlate parts of my old journal with the knowledge I have now about what I was going through, how I got through it, and where I am today.
I want teens to know that it's okay to feel sad and depressed, and that there are others ways of relieving those feelings other than having to talk to someone. Not all kids can talk to someone about how they are feeling, and considering the lack of research done on teen depression, I feel like I really need to do something.
I'm not sure how long it will take to write it, but I'm willing to push myself to finish it!
Who knows? I nanny. It's rough to try to write a book and watch a seven and eight year old who are not my children!
Also, I think I should start recording my dreams. They are so twisted. My mom keeps saying I could be the next Stephen King, so why not? I definitely think my thoughts are twisted enough to try and accomplish that!!!
My dream last night? My days were normal and I was going about my business, yet when night hit and I was doing regular activities around the house, any part that was shadowed or had a shadow would come alive, and creatures would emerge from the darkness.
Crazy, right?
Let the writing begin.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
No, but seriously.
We are not immortal. We cannot ensure that we will live as long as we want to, or do all we hope to accomplish in this lifetime. And so, I've decided to start having a purpose to these blogs. The only question is...what to do?
I think that I'll most likely start writing a book. That's the plan. And on top of everything, I will blog about it, along with my crazy job of being a nineteen-year-old nanny and strange misadventures with my friends. Let the games begin, eh?
I swear, this time, I will most definitely keep up with the blog. I need to start writing again, because the lack of writing is getting ridiculous.
I think that I'll most likely start writing a book. That's the plan. And on top of everything, I will blog about it, along with my crazy job of being a nineteen-year-old nanny and strange misadventures with my friends. Let the games begin, eh?
I swear, this time, I will most definitely keep up with the blog. I need to start writing again, because the lack of writing is getting ridiculous.
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